Welcome to Gaia! ::

It had been nearly five months since their mutually awkward Christmas confessions, and yet no progress seemed to have been made. While his presence always seemed to lighten her spirits, she longed for something more between them. Occasional doubts would nag at her. Could there be someone in his past he had not managed to let go? She knew how difficult it could be to accept feelings for someone new when a previous relationship had ended abruptly and unexpectedly.

While she wanted to learn more of his past, she also wanted to take the opportunity to confess to her own. She had never told Kromli what exactly had happened in Kuzoth, and she felt it was time she did. Their relationship could never blossom if their pasts remained so murky to the other.

Unconsciously lacing her fingers with his, she turned to him, unsure how to begin. "Um...I apologize if this is too personal, but...Have you ever been in love, Kromli?"

While she couldn't help but find his reaction pathetically adorable, she was confused by his response. How could he not know if he had ever been in love? Before she could answer his question, which she had every intention of doing, she wanted a direct answer to her own.

She rephrased the question. "There's no one in your past you feel I should know about?"

She nodded, surprised that someone as interesting and gentle had never before (or perhaps ever) been in love. Collecting her thoughts, she began her story.

"To answer your question...at the time, I thought I was in love, but looking back, I think it was only infatuation...

"I went to Kuzoth after being hired as a personal advisor to Prince Apollo Li Xephira. He acted quite the charmer, not entirely unlike your Matasoga, with parties and girls on each arm, but I soon learned that he was a very lonely person with no real friends. He put on a show, but people gravitated toward him only because of his position, not because of who he was. He began spending all of his free time with me, despite objections from the court.

"One day...right after his brother was killed...he confessed that he loved me. I didn't believe him. I was certain that he said that to every girl and just wanted to lure me into bed with him. I laughed, completely denying the validity of his feelings, and he looked so hurt that I began to second-guess myself. 'What could he do to prove it to me', he asked. So I told him to be himself, to show the world what he showed me.

"He immediately stopped the parties, the drinking, the girls. So when he confessed again, I found myself completely swept along. He was my best friend. I had never been so happy before then.

"But his family arranged a political marriage for him and that was the end of things. He asked me to run away with him, but I couldn't allow him to sacrifice his nation's well-being, so...I came here.

"I was heartbroken. I knew I had made the right choice, sacrificing our relationship for Kuzoth, but I was completely alone again. I went through the motions, living day to day in a haze of memories...And then I met you..."

She paused, allowing for him to respond to what she had related so far.

She waited for him to say something, but realizing that he was waiting for her to continue, she did so.

"When I met you, it was like you disinterred me from the grave, reawakened the life in me...If we were together, I could smile, laugh...I was happy again. I barely thought of Apollo or of Kuzoth, of what might have been had circumstances been different. I just thought about when I might see you again.

"Months and months ago, before Christmas, I had a dream. Apollo was there, and he leaned in to kiss me. But when I opened my eyes, our lips parting, it was you I had been kissing, Kromli..."

She paused again, willing herself to continue. She was nearly finished pouring the truth of her feelings for him out in a torrent, not even contemplating how he might react, but simply wanting to release it all now that she had started.

"When Apollo and I were together, I never thought about our future, or about losing him. I simply went through life day-to-day, pulled by his love like the moon pulls the tides.

"But, with you...I feel like the ground has swallowed me whole at the thought of losing you, like there will never be laughter or sunshine again. Or, I'll be at work and suddenly all I can think of is the way your tusks protrude from your mouth when you smile, or how your eyes fleck golden..." She lowered her voice, her cheeks flushed, embarrassed. "And I've dreamt of so much more than that kiss..." She turned her eyes to the floor, suddenly aware of all she had said.

She felt herself pulled into his orbit, as he leaned toward her. She had wanted this for so long, but was it right? She had been wrong about Apollo, after all. What if she was wrong about Kromli? She couldn't bear to think of how hurt he would be if something caused their burgeoning relationship to sour. Could she feel so strongly about him if this wasn't love?

Entangling her left hand with his lank hair and placing her right hand on his cheek, she pulled his face toward her the remaining few inches. Her lips gently brushed his, flooding her with warmth. She lingered only a few seconds before pulling away, opening her eyes to stare into his amber ones, longing to know his thoughts.

This wasn't the reaction she had been expecting. Looking into his eyes, she didn't see contentment, but rather panic. It seemed it was only Tinuviel who had found the kiss a pleasurable experience.

Taking his hands in hers, having relinquished him when their lips parted, she asked, "What's wrong, Kromli? That...that wasn't what you wanted, was it?" She bit her lip, eyes downcast, as she awaited his response.

She breathed a sigh of relief. "Is that all? I think I've made my feelings perfectly clear. I wish you would do the same. Your feelings are what matter, not your experience. Everything else will follow."

She leaned in to kiss him again, her lips lingering on his longer than before. The kiss ended, she declared, "I just want to be sure we want the same things."