Fleeting Inspiration, my Gravitation fic.

[Questina]

"I told you I wasn't promising anything," Eiri said, when Shuichi joined him in the bedroom. The two men lay back-to-back in the murky darkness, both longing for the warmth and comfort of the other's presence but neither wanting to meet the other's gaze.

"I know," was the singer's flat, lifeless reply.

"I can't stop smoking all at once just because you want me to," Eiri told his partner.

"I know."

"So are you going to actually talk to me, or are you no longer capable of forming complete sentences?"

"I don't want to fight with you, Yuki."

Why the hell did he even come in here if he doesn't want to talk? "Fine," the blond answered, rolling onto his stomach. If the brat didn't want to talk, ******** him. His stomach felt like it was on fire and truth be told he didn't feel much like talking either. He silently debated rather or not it would be worth dragging himself all the way back to the kitchen to get some coffee and take his medication, but in the end he decided against it. He felt light-headed and the fire in his stomach seemed to settle down somewhat if he stayed still. He closed his eyes, praying that sleep would come quickly and alleviate his pain. The sound of Shuichi's soft weeping caused his eyes to snap back open. God damn it! I don't want to deal with this! He rolled back over to face the singer.

"Hey."

Shuichi buried his face in his pillow and ignored him.

"What the ******** is your problem?!" Eiri shouted, tired of this childish game. He forced himself into a sitting position and his stomach protested painfully. "If you're pissed off then talk to me! You never have any problem opening your mouth any other time!"

"I don't want you to die!!!" Shuichi shouted.

"What?"

"I don't want you to die, Yuki!" Before Eiri could respond to that, the singer was in his arms, sobbing as if his heart would break. "I don't want to lose you, but you never listen to anything the doctor tells you to do! You don't eat enough, you forget to take your medicine and you're still smoking even though she said not to. You're never going to get well if you don't take care of yourself!"

"Look, this is my problem, not yours."

"So I'm just supposed to sit around and watch you kill yourself? I LOVE you, Yuki! And so does Riku! Do think he wants to lose another father?"

"I am NOT that boy's father!"

The expression on Shuichi's face went from pained to utterly crushed, causing a wave of guilt to hit Eiri like a ton of bricks. For whatever reason Riku had loved them both from the moment they'd met the boy at his father's grave site. Eiri had tried to keep him at arm's length (much like he'd tried to do with Shuichi when they first met), while Shuichi had done just the opposite and immediately accepted the child into their lives. He knew how attached Shuichi was to the kid; in his lover's mind the boy was already part of their family. No formal papers had ever been drawn up to legally adopt him, but they'd given the idea serious consideration. So the boy can be enrolled in school, Eiri told himself, not yet ready to admit his own attachment to Yuki Kitazawa's son. But whenever he thought too deeply on the matter the other side of his brain told him that he couldn't possibly do such a thing, that the very idea was insane. How could he possibly adopt the very child that he himself had orphaned?

"I know we didn't have a lot of say in the matter," Shuichi almost whispered, trying to control his sobbing, "but can you really say you're sorry we kept him?"

Eiri looked away. "No."

Shuichi wiped his tears and took his lover's hands. "Yuki, I love you... more than anything else in the world. Please, please don't do this to yourself anymore."

"I told you, I can't just stop smoking because you and that quack doctor want me to."

"I know, but... can't you just smoke ONE cigarette when you really really need it? If you keep smoking as much as you did earlier your ulcer's never going to get better."

Just hearing the word "ulcer" made the pain in Eiri's stomach flare up.

"I know it's not easy for you," Shuichi went on. "and I figured you'd need a cigarette every once in a while until you kicked the habit, but I can't believe you'd wait until I was gone and smoke a whole pack at once!"

Eiri had nothing to say to that. He knew full well his pain was the result of disobeying his physician's instructions, and knowing he didn't have anyone to blame but himself for his current situation only made him feel worse. The fact that he sorely regretted his earlier actions didn't make a bit of difference now; feeling repentitive wasn't going to take his pain away.

"Have you taken your medicine?" Shuichi asked, when he noticed his boyfriend was clutching his middle.

"No."

"I'll get it for you then." The boy hopped out off bed and disappeared out of the room, returning a minute later with a cup of water and Eiri's pills. "I'm sorry, we shouldn't have brought back that spicy food."

"It's not the curry that caused this."

"Yeah, but I'm sure it didn't help and..." Shuichi looked away, suddenly feeling guilty and ashamed. "I know the stress I've been putting you though since I got home isn't helping either. I'm sorry, Yuki."

Eiri swallowed the pills and laid back down. "It's not your fault."

"Roll over and I'll rub your back, okay?" Shuichi said, getting into his nightstand and rummaging through his collection of massage oils. He found Eiri's favorite scent and closed the drawer. "Your doctor told me that relaxation techniques can sometimes ease ulcer pain."

"I thought you were supposed to be pissed off at me?" Eiri asked, rolling onto his stomach.

"I just don't want to lose you, Eiri," Shuichi said softly. "I think what we have together is worth way too much to just throw away."

"You're a real idiot, you know that?" Eiri responded, hiding a small smile as the singer's skilled hands went to work.

"I know, but I really do love you..."

"So you've said. Repeatedly."

"So... try to get well for me, please?"

"I'll try," the tired blond answered, closing his eyes.

"You said that last time," Shuichi reminded him. "Try harder."

"Fine. Now shut up and let me sleep."  

[Questina]

A few hours later, as Shuichi was putting away his nebulizer he heard someone beating on the front door. It was Tatsuha with a very intoxicated Yoshi leaning on him for support. Both were laughing loudly.

"Quiet!" Shuichi hissed at them. "Yuki's asleep!"

"I dun' like American beer na more," Yoshi slurred drunkenly as Tatsuha helped him in the door.

"What happened to him?" Shuichi asked.

"Ryu and I took him to a karaoke bar. Can you believe he'd never been to one?"

"Well, he's a foreigner and he hasn't lived here very long. He's not even used to our food yet."

"This guy might not care for Japanese food, but he sure loves Japanese booze!" Tatsuha laughed, helping Yoshi over to the couch.

"You should have looked after him," Shuichi chided, getting a blanket and covering Yoshi with it.

"What? He's older than I am!"

"He's still new to the country and you're supposed to be a monk!"

"Are you really turning twenty this Sunday?" Tatsuha asked. "You sound like you're a hundred years old. Quit being such a prude!"

"Just how much have YOU had?" the singer inquired. Tatsuha hiccupped in response. "Thought so. Maybe you'd better lay down..."

"Actually, my honey's waiting for me so-"

"Fine, go away then!" Shuichi said crossly. He was tired and he'd been looking forward to joining Yuki in bed, now it looked like he'd be spending the night taking care of his drunken guest instead. While that bullshit monk gets to spend the night with Ryuichi... he thought sourly. It just wasn't fair!

"Hey Shuichi, where's your bathroom?" Yoshi asked.

"That way," Shuichi pointed. "You need help?" he asked, when Yoshi's attempt to get up caused him to roll off the couch and onto the floor.

"Yeah... I think I'm gonna hurl."

And he did.  

[Questina]

Eiri spread his arms and legs out as far as they would go, sighing with contentment.
Every muscle in his body felt relaxed. The pain in his stomach was also gone, and he decided that if the results of Shuichi's ministrations left him feeling this good in the morning he would have his lover massage him to sleep more often. He was half tempted to go find his brat and put his skilled hands to work again.

Where is that idiot, I wonder?

The longer he thought about it, the more Shuichi's absence began to bother him. Normally he enjoyed the extra room that came with having the bed all to himself, but since the incident with the hotel swimming pool a few weeks ago he found that he much preferred waking up to the sight of Shuichi safely beside him (or cuddled against him, or laying on top of him) to waking up alone. Last week he'd gotten up early and made both breakfast and lunch for the singer to take to work just to avoid laying in bed alone. He feared he was developing a complex.

He ought to be in here resting... I hope he's not trying to make breakfast again.

He tried to ignore the absence of the younger man's warmth, reminding himself that he would be waking up like this everyday once Shuichi returned to work, but the longer he lay there the more restless he became. He also needed to go to the bathroom.

"It's too damn early for this," the grumpy blond muttered, forcing himself to get out of bed.  

[Questina]

He secretly hoped Shuichi would be in the shower when he got there so he could join him, but the bathroom was empty. There was a faint odor in the air that made his stomach lurch, which he quickly recognized as the smell of vomit. His pulse quickened. Had Shuichi gotten sick? He quickly relieved his bladder and went in search of his boyfriend. He found him sitting in front of his computer, crying softly.

"What's wrong with you?" Eiri asked, slightly alarmed. "The bathroom sticks. Did you get sick?"

"No. Yoshi went out with Tatsuha and Ryuichi last night and he had too much to drink. He's got a pretty bad hangover over this morning. He says he feels like a trunk ran over his head."

Okay, so he wasn't sick. Next reasonable guess would be that whatever he was looking at on the computer was the source of his distress. Eiri looked over his boyfriend's shoulder. "Celebrity fanfiction?"

"It's terrible!" Shuichi declared. "Do you know the kind of things they write about us?!"

"That's what's got you so upset?" Eiri asked, incredulously. Of all the stupid... "Celebrity fanfiction has been around for years, moron, and in case you've forgotten the two of us are celebrities."

"But it's wrong, Yuki!" Shuichi insisted, tears streaming down his eyes. "People shouldn't be allowed to write things like this about us!"

"What's really going on here, brat? You weren't this upset when you found out someone was publishing pornographic dojinshi about us last year, so why are you so bothered about this now?"

"The dojinshi was hot..." the younger man sniffled "But this stuff... have you READ it, Yuki? Some of these are just awful. There's one here where you keep me locked in a basement and use me as a sex slave."

"That actually doesn't sound too bad," Eiri grinned, wrapping his arms around his lover.

"That's what I thought at first until I started reading it. You beat me, starved me and refused to let me be seen by anyone but you."

Eiri's eyes narrowed in disgust. "Some people have ******** up imaginations."

"You're telling me. At the end of the story I escape and have a threesome with my band."

"Not an image I want rolling around in my head," Eiri remarked blandly. "Did you stay up all night reading this crap?"

"Well, I couldn't sleep last night after reading this one," Shuichi said, pointing to a story on the list titled Depraved. "And I had to take care of Yoshi anyway, so I just kept going until I'd read them all. In this one we have a ******** up master/slave relationship where I enjoy having you emotionally screw with my head, hurt me while we're having sex and punish me when I displease you. There's even links for people interested in pursuing that kind of lifestyle in real life!"

Eiri was willing to bet Shuichi had clicked on all the links and been emotionally disturbed by what he'd seen. The boy was far too young and naive not to be curious, but his sexual experience was limited to one long-term relationship and a one-time gang rape. What he had seen was probably not settling well in his mind.

"Do people really live like that, Yuki?" the singer asked, proving the author's assumptions to be true. "Allowing themselves to be treated like a slave or a piece of property?"

"Some do, although I can't say I understand what would make such a lifestyle seem appealing."

"It scares me," Shuichi said softly, as he scrolled down the list of stories. "Sure it's fun to play master and servant in bed sometimes-"

"Oh, you're a very good servant," Eiri chuckled, kissing the singer's throat and wrapping his arms around him possessively.

"But the idea of living your life as someone's own private ******** toy is just... creepy. Not to mention degrading."

"If this s**t disturbs you so much you shouldn't read it."

"I can't help it! Knowing that people are actually reading this garbage about us just... well... bothers me! And that's not the only thing. Do you how many of these stories involve me getting run down in the street? So far I've been hit by seven cars, three buses, a train and a truck carrying a bunch of your books to the bookstore. I thought Bad Luck had a lot of fans but I'm beginning to think that they secretly hate me!"

"I think you're overreacting."

"I read one where Seguchi-san tried to run me down with a bulldozer to end the rivalry between Bad Luck and Nittle Grasper!" Eiri snickered at the thought of Tohma driving a bulldozer around Tokyo as Shuichi continued to rant. The singer pointed to another link on the computer screen. "In this one I get pregnant with Ryuichi's baby and you try to run me down with your car! And do you know how many stories there are about me getting raped? It makes me sick!""

"People having been putting garbage on the internet for years," Eiri said, looking over his boyfriend's shoulder. "I'll ask Tohma to notify this site about having this crap removed but in the meantime the best thing you can do is stay away from it."

"It just really bothers me, you know? I hate being portrayed as the "abused wife"..."

"You're embarrassed because some of these stories are degrading to you?"

Shuichi swirled around in the chair to face his partner. Eiri noticed that the singer had bags under his eyes from his long night of web-surfing and caring for their drunken guest. "I'm ANGRY because they make you out to be some kind of monster!"

"I find it hard to believe that everything you read depicted me as a psychotic wife-beater," Eiri responded. Before Shuichi had come into his life he'd visited similar websites filled with stories where he was portrayed as the stereotypical Prince Charming who swept lonely school girls off their feet and led them to a better life. Every story seemed to follow the same cliched formula and end with them either getting married or dying together "for the sake of love". At least the creativity level of his fans had evolved somewhat since then.

"No, but even then it wasn't right. You were so nice it was creepy. It was like you'd been abducted by aliens and replaced with some character out of a romance novel. None of them captured the real you."

"That's because none of those people know the real me," Eiri said, turning off the computer and helping Shuichi to his feet. "Now stop thinking about it and let's find something to eat." His lover was always overly-emotional when he was upset or tired (doubly so when he was both) and spending the night obsessing over what Buddha would have called "mind pollution" probably wasn't good for anyone's emotional health. He made a mental note to make sure the boy got some much-needed rest once they'd eaten.  

[Questina]

"Are you feeling better?" Shuichi asked, searching the blond's face for any signs of pain as they left the room.

"Better than last night." Thanks to you.

"Hey, Yuki?"

"What?"

"Do you ever wish that I was somebody else?"

"Huh?" Eiri stopped and stared at his pink-haired companion. "Somebody else?"

"You know, like maybe somebody smarter or better in bed or... maybe... somebody who could give you children?" The last three words were almost a whisper.

"We've already got one brat to look after, and if I wanted a woman I'd be with one." Eiri responded. He was somewhat disturbed at how a full night of exposing his mind to other people's twisted perversions had the ability to make his usually confident partner so insecure. "And there's nothing wrong with our sex life," he added, almost as an afterthought.

"I'm sorry," Shuichi whispered, latching onto the older man and burying his face in his chest. "It's just... after reading all those different versions of me that people made up in their heads I started wondering if maybe there was a different version of me that you'd rather have, too."

The taller man rested his chin on his boyfriend's head. "Is there a "different version" of me that you'd prefer to have, as opposed to the person I am now?"

"No, of course not, Yuki! I love you for who you are! I mean, sure I wished you'd stop smoking and take better care of yourself, and sometimes I really wish I could make you happy when I know you're not, but I don't want to change who you are!"

"Exactly. Don't let other people's sick fantasies make you doubt the validity of what we have."

Before Shuichi could respond Eiri kissed him, attempting to physically convey his feelings. The phone interrupted them, and it took Shuichi a few seconds to snap back into reality. He ran to answer it while Eiri continued on to the living room to see what state their guest was in before starting breakfast.  

[Questina]

Yoshi was sprawled out on the couch with a bag of frozen peas on his forehead. Judging by the dark circles under his eyes he obviously hadn't slept well, if he had slept at all.

"First hangover?" Eiri inquired.

"First in a while," Yoshi answered. "My head feels like someone's been using it for batting practice. Last time I got this wasted was after graduation. My sister hit me over the head with... something... Damn, I don't really remember much from that night."

"Do you remember last night?" Eiri asked

Yoshi laughed weakly. "Not really."

"It's common for Americans to overindulge their first time drinking Japanese beer. It's a lot stronger than the watered down crap they sell over there."

"The bottles are bigger, too," Yoshi hiccupped. "Once I started I couldn't stop."

"Your sister's on the phone," Shuichi announced, coming into the room. He held out the phone but his lover refused to take it.

"Tell her I'm dead."

"He says he's dead," Shuichi informed Mika.

"You don't get along with your sister?" Yoshi asked. Eiri made a scoffing noise and waited for Shuichi to pass on Mika's response.

"She wants to talk to you. She says if you don't get on the phone she'll send Tohma over when he's done bailing Tatsuha and Ryuichi out of jail."

"Jail?" Eiri and Yoshi echoed in unison. Eiri grabbed the phone from his boyfriend and asked, "What did those idiots do now?"

Shuichi moved over to Yoshi and tried to remove the bag of peas from his guest's forehead but the other man latched onto it with a vice grip, whimpering. "It's starting to melt," the singer explained. "I'll bring you the frozen mushrooms next." He tried again to reclaim his vegetables, but the hand clutching them held fast.

"Mushrooms first. I'm holding your peas hostage until then."

Shuichi laughed. "Okay. I'll be right back."

"Why does this always have to be MY problem?!" Eiri yelled into the phone. "He's not my responsibility!"

"Stop shouting, please!" Yoshi begged. "My head is killing me!"

"The police found them naked?"

"Naked?" Yoshi repeated, wondering if he'd misheard. In his current state every new sound felt like a new species of pain breeding in his throbbing skull, so he didn't completely trust his hearing at the moment. His host continued to yell into the receiver, causing him to moan in agony.

"Are you okay???" Shuichi called from the kitchen.

"Over my dead body!" Eiri yelled, and hung up the phone.

"What happened, Yuki?" Shuichi asked when he re-entered the room. He exchanged the frozen peas on Yoshi's head for the bag of mushrooms.

"Have either of you two ever heard of ice?" the author asked, snatching the peas out of Shuichi's hand.

"What happened to Ryuichi and Tatsuha?" Shuichi prodded, ignoring the question.

"They were arrested for getting drunk and fooling around in the parking garage of a shopping mall. Mall security found them passed out naked at four 'o clock in the morning."

Shuichi's eyes widened. "You serious?"

"She wants me to take care of the little punk while she and Tohma deal with Ryuichi. I told her to ******** off."

"Tohma will just bring him here anyway."

"I know, and we've already got him to deal with!"

"Stop talking so loud!" Yoshi pleaded.

"It's all Tatsuha's fault he's in this condition in the first place," Shuichi grumbled. "He dumped him off here late last night after getting him completely wasted and then disappeared with Ryuichi. He should act more like a monk!"

"Well, I'm not taking care of that little s**t. He causes his own problems, he can deal them."

"I'll take care of everything, Yuki, don't w-"

"No, you won't," Eiri informed him. "You're going to eat breakfast and go to bed."

"But-"

"You're supposed to be using this time off work to recuperate. You were up all night, you need to sleep."

"But you know your brother's going to wind up here whether we like it or not. Will you okay all by yourself?" Shuichi asked, concerned.

"I'll be fine. It's Tatsuha you should worry about!"