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 Posted: Tue Oct 05, 2004 6:36 pm
Why did you decide to have kids/what makes you want to have kids?
Or if you dont actually want to have your own child (but like them I'm assuming, since youre here), why dont you want to have one?
What, in your opinion, is a bad excuse to have a child (a example would be "Just to pass on the family name"/"My parents want to have grandchildren" etc. perphaps?)
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Posted: Tue Oct 05, 2004 6:55 pm
Both my children came as happy surprises. So I had never "pre-meditated" on having children or not having children. So I can't really tell you why I decided to have kids, 'cause I really didn't decide. However, some BAD reasons to have kids would be:
To keep your husband/boyfriend
You think having babies is "cool."
Others are pressuring you to do so.
You think you are supposed to.
You think a baby will magically fix all your other problems you're having in life.
You want an excuse to drop out of school.
You want to make your parents mad.
Just so you'll have someone to play "dress-up" with.
Because babies are cute like puppies! whee
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Posted: Tue Oct 05, 2004 6:58 pm
Well, personally I don't think it's "wrong" to want to pass the family name. *points to her son* Although he was not planned, so it wasn't really where we sat down and decided let's have one.
My husband and I discussed discipline, name, and how many children we wanted before getting married, so I wasn't devestated, but very surprised.
I suppose the only wrong reasons to have children for monetary purposes and without thinking through whether you are ready for one, if you were actively trying.
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Posted: Tue Oct 05, 2004 7:04 pm
lunashock Well, personally I don't think it's "wrong" to want to pass the family name. I dont think it's worng, I actually think it's quite honurable in some cases, but when it's the ONLY reason why your having kids I dont think it's too right sweatdrop
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Posted: Tue Oct 05, 2004 8:28 pm
It always turns out heartbreaking for everyone if a woman decides to have a baby because she thinks it will 'fix' other things, or make her partner stay/change his ways, I can't think of a worse thing to do than add a baby to that equation.
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Posted: Tue Oct 05, 2004 9:00 pm
Oh yeah, if you're just doing it for that reason only, I agree it's wrong.
It's hard for me to come up with wrong reasons, because I can't fathom why people ould have a child for those awful reasons!
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Posted: Tue Oct 05, 2004 9:20 pm
My son was a complete suprise thought i had the flu for a month. My running joke (though true) was i took 9 pregnancy tests because i didn't really believe it.
I for many years worked for child support and heard every bad excuse on the planet i think. besides the ones that were named these were the best or worst depending on how you look at it.
1. well all my friends were doing it so i figured i should
2. i wanted to get a bigger welfare check, or to get a welfare check
3. my ex's current wanted one and so i thought i'd bet her to it.
4. because birth control is to much trouble and at least i won't have to think about it for a few months.
5. it can't be that hard so i figured why not. Usually said by someone way to young to be thinking it.
6. One of my personal favorites: or he'll leave his wife/girlfriend if i do.
7. Or finally the child support check i'll get from him will more then pay for a new apartment and car.
Although its been said my favorite always will be, he'll never leave me if i have a baby.
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Posted: Tue Oct 05, 2004 9:39 pm
XD Man, some of those are too funny. I about wet my pants at the puppies analogy. xd
To me, the absolute worst reason to have children is a variant on what several have said already: Having a baby just because you need someone to love you and you think that everything else going on in your life will be magically solved if you do....but in truth, the baby just compounds and complicates all of those things.
Chris and I don't have any babies yet (hopefully within the next 18 months >.> *knocks on every piece of wood she can find*) we've discussed what we'd like to have taken care of first before any more members of our family come along, as well as how many we'd like to have (we've finally agreed two is definitely good, but I'd like three for sure) and conditions that may arise that would cause us to put any tentative plans for a baby on hold (like an additional deployment; what a crappy time to be preggers!).
It's hard to say what the motivation is for wanting kids, but I know my clock started to make a prominent ticking noise about 3 years ago and I've been wanting to get started on a family since. I think part of it is wanting a physical embodiment of both Chris and myself and to expand the love that is already here. I could tell you a ton of reasons to not want them, but trying to pinpoint exactly why I do is a bit harder, though the pull from that end of things is so much stronger. blaugh
Did that even make any sense? xd
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Posted: Tue Oct 05, 2004 10:09 pm
FluffyThumbtacks Although its been said my favorite always will be, he'll never leave me if i have a baby. thats not true--- it depends on the guy but a lot of guys in Middle School or High School would in deed leave........ I was lucky, my boyfriend stayed, but I have alot of friends that their boyfriends left them or dont want any thing to do with the baby............................... and then there are the guys that care, my boyfriend stayed and is very supportive, and he wants to be a big part of Caitlins life
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Posted: Thu Oct 07, 2004 8:29 am
Well I honestly don't know why people want children.. as mine was also a surprise lol ... it's just a wonder to me still wink My DH and I however discussed children before we got married, and then still after we got married, and i guess it was something about wanting this gorgeous child in our life to fullfill it with all these beautiful memories, and to care for, love, and cherish was an exciting thing, to have a family that was our own, whether good or bad the outcome I suppose. I don't know that might sound cheesy, but eventually we wanted that, eventually came sooner than thought though wink
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Posted: Thu Oct 07, 2004 11:18 am
Why did I have kids? I'm still not sure. biggrin
All through my teens and early twenties, I said no way was I EVER gonna have kids. Then I got married............. watched my friends having their families and decided that maybe I could do that too. Funny how holding one of those squirmy little things can bring maternal instincts up from whatever depths they usually hide in.
Now, both of mine are in their teens and they are going through the 'No way am I EVER..........' stage. blaugh
BTW, I have never regretted having them. They have opened up new worlds for me.
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Posted: Thu Oct 07, 2004 11:40 am
I'll readily admit I was desperately trying not to conceive. Rodney was already paying child support for twins at the time. But keeping Tyler was one of the best choices I've ever made in my life.
And I went through that "I'm NEVER having kids" phase too.
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Posted: Thu Oct 07, 2004 8:15 pm
Gindion And I went through that "I'm NEVER having kids" phase too. I'm sorta going through it right now sweatdrop
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Posted: Thu Oct 07, 2004 8:24 pm
I also did the I'm never having kids thing. It's kind of funny now. D was unplanned, but I couldn't imagine how my life would be with out him.
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Posted: Fri Oct 08, 2004 6:50 am
Really, I just wanted a baby. I was married for three years, financially independent, pretty much an adult doing adult things. I was having baby dreams and my husband had expressed he'd like to have a baby. Also we found college to be a breeze and at the time were planning on grad school so we wanted a baby to be about 1 or so and at least sleeping through the night when we were in Grad. So, she was the super planned. I went of the pill at the end of October and by the end of November I was pregnant. I had my baby in the summer and was able to return to classes in the fall. SUPER planned I tell you.
And finally, I don't think there is a BEST time to have a baby, some my be preferrable, or a bit better, but I am of the opinion that any given time you decide to have a child you can probably come up with a good ten reasons you shouldn't at that moment.
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