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Hi people. I've begun working on a story a little while ago, and I have it about 1/3 done. I don't really want to post the whole thing till it's done, but I'm still looking for some advice on what to do at least with this part of the story. Keep in mind that this is my first story written in a long while: So, here goes:

Prologue

Fan Heng walked along the red dusty road on his way home from a long day of work. He thought he had impressed his uncle today, after all he had pulled that rock out of the way before the planters had gotten to his part of the field. He had even grabbed a bag of seed and seeded a quarter of his section himself. His mother would not complain tonight about him not taking care of his part of the family farm. In fact, Heng thought now his uncle would see that he was strong enough to help with the animals tomorrow. Heng hoped he could one day help to take over the family farm. It was his dream to till the hard red earth until it took his rice seed. To water the land until the water ran over the surface and the rice would grow and flourish under his caring hand.

A truck bumped along the road in the distance. �That's good� thought Heng. �Maybe I can get a ride the rest of the way home.� It was unusual for a child the age of 13 to have to walk half an hour to get from his farm to his shared home.

As the truck approached Heng noticed that there were four men inside. The sun glinted off the truck one last time, then set behind a hill. Heng's thoughts turned to his younger brother, and co-worker. He had been sick that morning and had not gone to work. Heng missed the company his brother would have given him on the walk home. It wouldn't be like the boring conversation the older men would have given them. It was more lively and active. Heng and his brother had many similarities, and usually they enjoyed their walks home together.

As the truck came near, it began slowing down, and Heng stuck out his hand to ask for a ride. The truck stopped just a few yards in front of Heng, and three big men got out.

Heng was startled to noticed one of the men was holding a club. He turned to walk the other direction.

�Wait up,� the man in the truck called. But Heng knew something was wrong, this was probably about his uncle yelling at the men who came by his farm the other day. Heng broke into a run, and the men sprinted after him. He could hear them breathing heavily on his neck. He cried out as the man with the club hit him from behind. The blow landed hard on his lower back, and Heng stumbled as he ran. Then the other men were upon him. One of the men grabbed his legs and they fell over in a heap, the second man struck him hard across the face, and he felt blood trickled down his cheek. Then the third man approached and put something over his mouth. Heng's vision blurred, and everything went dark.
Hey, that sounds really good so far. I can't wait to see the rest of it!
cool, thanks.
well people, what do you think?
cool story here. Must read now wink
Do you think the thoughts should be in double quotes too, or just italics?
that's really good. keep it up! i look forward to reading the whole book if i can.

Eloquent Phantom

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GrassyFields
Do you think the thoughts should be in double quotes too, or just italics?

Long time reader that I am, I have always preferred that thoughts be set-aside by italics. This is primarily because outside-dialogue is exhibited with quotes and the moment that I see quotes I hear the voice speaking aloud. Italics gives me a sensation a lot like a voice over narration in a movie, the slightly edged tone of someone talking in their own head.

Making a strong distinction between speaking out loud and thinking can become very important if a lot of both happens in the story.
Very good so far, but I'd suggest painting a more vivid mental picture. Such as the colour of the truck, dust sweeping aside under the wheels as they slowly crunch the gravel below. That sort of thing.
not all writers put thoughts in italics. Iris Johansen didn't.
NOTE: for dreams she did however put everything in italics
anyways yea, its a good start. Keep going with it!
Thanks for your comments guys. I'll leave the thoughts in quotes for now, but if lots of thinking goes into the story I'll change it. If you read the story, you can leave a comment so I know.

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