Drucillia
(?)Community Member
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- Posted: Thu, 07 Jun 2007 03:50:02 +0000
This started as a response in the "Truth or Dare" forum, and I ended up liking it so much that I kept working on it...*Edited*
"Tara!" Tara shrank at her husband's voice. She was in their bathroom, sitting on the floor, and she didn't want to go talk to him. She knew where this conversation would lead- all the signs were there. She was back to insecurity and hiding, but what was one to do when she didn't want to lose the one she loved most. Jesus, she couldn't bear to lose him. She didn't know how they'd gotten so lost, so offtrack from where they'd been when they'd begun their lives together years ago."God Dammit, Tara, get out here!" He was pounding on the door. "I know you're in there!"
"I'm not coming out!" She'd meant to sound confident and angry, but really she had just sounded like a scared five year old. She whimpered quietly, so as not to let him hear her and stood up. If he truely hadn't thought that she was as immature as other people pointed out, then he would now. She was hiding. But, it was the only thing she could think of to do to prolong this, even if there was no chance left. God,she thought wistfully, how I wish there was a little chance at all.
Looking into the mirror she saw what she knew he must see- how she'd gotten older, now even the little bits of pretty that he'd managed to convince her of when they were young and in love were gone, leaving her feeling as insecure as she had before they'd met.
"Tara!" he sighed, and she heard him lean against the door. She looked back to the mirror and ran her fingers through her, now graying, red hair. The streaks of gray almost looked blond, and she wondered if there was anyway to make them less noticeable- and then she remembered her daughter's love of hair dye. Maybe there was some left around this house, thought Tara, looking next to her eyes. They were the only part of her that had stayed the same, a light amber color, much like cat's eyes, that sometimes darkened to a medium brown and often had small flecks of green in them. "Tara, please?" he sounded like he was about to give up- it was the voice he'd used when he'd tried to convince her that he was right, even when he knew that he wasn't. It was a voice that used to make her do anything he asked. Well, she thought, not today. "We need to talk about this! I saw Davidson today," Tara found that her eyes were welling with tears at the mention of their lawyer. "He gave me some papers for us to look over, come on Tara, you know we have to," he sighed again, and she heard him slide against the door, knew that her husband of thirty years was sitting on the floor. A few tears spilled over, and she wiped them hastily with her hands, sobbing softly as she ran them over her face.
What am I going to do without him? she wondered, it had been so long since she'd been alone...and even then, she'd never really felt this, this empty. They'd been married the day after she finished college, so much in love, she'd been so very sure of this relationship. We, she thought, correcting herself, we were so very much in love, so very sure of ourselves. He was the only person she'd ever loved, and, she was the only person he'd ever loved, she thought, although they'd grown distant lately, she was too busy getting Abby ready for college, and he was too busy with work, but she hadn't realized until now that it had gotten this bad, that they had grown so far apart that this, divorce, something they had both agreed was never an option with them, was the only option. She remembered them talking about it as kids, and reminding their children that "marriage is forever, just look at mommy and daddy, forget those other families, this is how our family does it."
She continued her appraisal of herself in the mirror and found that, luckily for her, her body was about the same as when they'd met. Not quite so nice but, it managed to offset her lack of pretty features, at least in her mind. She eyed the curves that he'd always said were so nice, and managed a quivering smile.
Peter always told me I was beautiful, she thought, pulling her arms tightly around herself. Who's going to do that when he's gone? She whimpered, rocking slightly back and forth on her heels. He'd been the only one to compliment her, calling her smart, funny, beautiful, and sweet. She ran her hands through her hair and opened her mouth to answer him, she knew she couldn't hide in here forever.
"Tara!" he'd given her a minute, and it had been a while since she'd responded. He sounded scared, his voice higher. "Tara?"
"I don't want to talk about those damn papers!"
She could almost see his shock at her swearing, even a little cuss like 'damn.' It wasn't often that she got mad enough to use those words, she never thought she needed them. Not like her girls, who used them every other word. "They're like flavoring Mom, for your vocabulary- you need to spice it up," Abby had told her once. She'd only replied with "My vocabulary doesn't need those kinds of spices." Peter had smiled and given her a hug, he was proud of her. He'd been her bestfriend, her one love, the only one who could make her feel safe, loved, and cherished. The only one who'd ever made her feel pretty, intelligent, and sweet.
But that was years ago, how long had it been since he'd hugged her last? Talked to her all night? God, how she missed when they were teenagers, and they could do things like that. It had been so long since they'd had time for each other. They'd both been so tired and busy lately. We should have taken time for each other, she realized, frowning as she decided it was too late for her revelation to matter, waiting for time to magically appear didn't work.
How long had it been since they'd done other, more grownup things with each other?
When she found that she couldn't remember, Tara was very scared. "Peter?" We haven't...we've been strangers...Oh,God...
"What, Tear Bear?" he asked, using an endearment she hadn't heard lately, in a few years maybe.
"In a minute I'm going to let you in, okay? But...no talking about those papers, not yet. Is that okay?"
She almost felt him thinking it over, as she'd always been able to. On the one hand, he wanted her to look at them, for this to be over, he wasn't the kind to make the end drag on, she was. On the other, he wanted to know what she was thinking, and wanted to make sure she was okay, because if not as a wife, he still loved her in some way.
She started the water, making sure that it wasn't too hot with one hand. With the other she took off her clothes. God, this plan made her feel like she had at the beginning of their marriage again, and she almost giggled. Wouldn't Peter be surprised? I'm going to make time now, even if it can't do any good, I have to try. If this works it'll only be the beginning, I promise... she was almost praying, although she hadn't done that in a while either.
She unlocked the door, it clicked and she knew he would hear it, and so she waited for him to open it.
"Okay Tara," he said as he did, "What's going on here-" he trailed off when he caught sight of her.
God, he thought, his words catching in his throat. How can that still have the same effect- when I'm planning on asking her to end this...? He let his eyes run over her quickly, she looked so much the same after all these years. The sparkling, playful eyes, the red-streaked hair, the same body that made him stop thinking, how was that possible? She'd seemed so very different, helping Abby pack for college, barely needing his help, when she'd always leaned on him so much before, always needed his help. But she didn't ask him about it, she knew what she was doing. Without him.
"Two choices," she said, holding up her hand. "One," she held up a finger, "We forget about the papers for a little while...and..." she looked at the shower and then threw him a look that he completely understood. One that, although it had been a while, was still very familiar.
"Or?" he found himself at a loss for the intelligent, witty, and sarcastic words that he normally used. He found part of himself thinking, shocked, that she was trying to seduce him. It made him smile that his little, timid, always scared Tara was trying to do something that she could do just by talking to him. She hadn't ever needed to try so hard. But that wasn't enough, she didn't want to talk to him anymore. She's...different.. he told himselfand yet so very much the same.
"I was hoping you'd just go with one," she gave him a small, watery smile, her voice still catching on her words. "I hadn't thought that far ahead."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Much, much later, the couple lay in bed, the papers in Peter's briefcase forgotten.
"Tara?"
"Yeah?"
"I love you."
"Love you, too." And she smiled, and with a happy sigh she snuggled back into her husband's arms.
Later they would talk about this, figure out what was wrong, but right then Tara just needed to be reminded that she was wanted, and Peter that he was needed.
So please critique and comment for me! smile
"Tara!" Tara shrank at her husband's voice. She was in their bathroom, sitting on the floor, and she didn't want to go talk to him. She knew where this conversation would lead- all the signs were there. She was back to insecurity and hiding, but what was one to do when she didn't want to lose the one she loved most. Jesus, she couldn't bear to lose him. She didn't know how they'd gotten so lost, so offtrack from where they'd been when they'd begun their lives together years ago."God Dammit, Tara, get out here!" He was pounding on the door. "I know you're in there!"
"I'm not coming out!" She'd meant to sound confident and angry, but really she had just sounded like a scared five year old. She whimpered quietly, so as not to let him hear her and stood up. If he truely hadn't thought that she was as immature as other people pointed out, then he would now. She was hiding. But, it was the only thing she could think of to do to prolong this, even if there was no chance left. God,she thought wistfully, how I wish there was a little chance at all.
Looking into the mirror she saw what she knew he must see- how she'd gotten older, now even the little bits of pretty that he'd managed to convince her of when they were young and in love were gone, leaving her feeling as insecure as she had before they'd met.
"Tara!" he sighed, and she heard him lean against the door. She looked back to the mirror and ran her fingers through her, now graying, red hair. The streaks of gray almost looked blond, and she wondered if there was anyway to make them less noticeable- and then she remembered her daughter's love of hair dye. Maybe there was some left around this house, thought Tara, looking next to her eyes. They were the only part of her that had stayed the same, a light amber color, much like cat's eyes, that sometimes darkened to a medium brown and often had small flecks of green in them. "Tara, please?" he sounded like he was about to give up- it was the voice he'd used when he'd tried to convince her that he was right, even when he knew that he wasn't. It was a voice that used to make her do anything he asked. Well, she thought, not today. "We need to talk about this! I saw Davidson today," Tara found that her eyes were welling with tears at the mention of their lawyer. "He gave me some papers for us to look over, come on Tara, you know we have to," he sighed again, and she heard him slide against the door, knew that her husband of thirty years was sitting on the floor. A few tears spilled over, and she wiped them hastily with her hands, sobbing softly as she ran them over her face.
What am I going to do without him? she wondered, it had been so long since she'd been alone...and even then, she'd never really felt this, this empty. They'd been married the day after she finished college, so much in love, she'd been so very sure of this relationship. We, she thought, correcting herself, we were so very much in love, so very sure of ourselves. He was the only person she'd ever loved, and, she was the only person he'd ever loved, she thought, although they'd grown distant lately, she was too busy getting Abby ready for college, and he was too busy with work, but she hadn't realized until now that it had gotten this bad, that they had grown so far apart that this, divorce, something they had both agreed was never an option with them, was the only option. She remembered them talking about it as kids, and reminding their children that "marriage is forever, just look at mommy and daddy, forget those other families, this is how our family does it."
She continued her appraisal of herself in the mirror and found that, luckily for her, her body was about the same as when they'd met. Not quite so nice but, it managed to offset her lack of pretty features, at least in her mind. She eyed the curves that he'd always said were so nice, and managed a quivering smile.
Peter always told me I was beautiful, she thought, pulling her arms tightly around herself. Who's going to do that when he's gone? She whimpered, rocking slightly back and forth on her heels. He'd been the only one to compliment her, calling her smart, funny, beautiful, and sweet. She ran her hands through her hair and opened her mouth to answer him, she knew she couldn't hide in here forever.
"Tara!" he'd given her a minute, and it had been a while since she'd responded. He sounded scared, his voice higher. "Tara?"
"I don't want to talk about those damn papers!"
She could almost see his shock at her swearing, even a little cuss like 'damn.' It wasn't often that she got mad enough to use those words, she never thought she needed them. Not like her girls, who used them every other word. "They're like flavoring Mom, for your vocabulary- you need to spice it up," Abby had told her once. She'd only replied with "My vocabulary doesn't need those kinds of spices." Peter had smiled and given her a hug, he was proud of her. He'd been her bestfriend, her one love, the only one who could make her feel safe, loved, and cherished. The only one who'd ever made her feel pretty, intelligent, and sweet.
But that was years ago, how long had it been since he'd hugged her last? Talked to her all night? God, how she missed when they were teenagers, and they could do things like that. It had been so long since they'd had time for each other. They'd both been so tired and busy lately. We should have taken time for each other, she realized, frowning as she decided it was too late for her revelation to matter, waiting for time to magically appear didn't work.
How long had it been since they'd done other, more grownup things with each other?
When she found that she couldn't remember, Tara was very scared. "Peter?" We haven't...we've been strangers...Oh,God...
"What, Tear Bear?" he asked, using an endearment she hadn't heard lately, in a few years maybe.
"In a minute I'm going to let you in, okay? But...no talking about those papers, not yet. Is that okay?"
She almost felt him thinking it over, as she'd always been able to. On the one hand, he wanted her to look at them, for this to be over, he wasn't the kind to make the end drag on, she was. On the other, he wanted to know what she was thinking, and wanted to make sure she was okay, because if not as a wife, he still loved her in some way.
She started the water, making sure that it wasn't too hot with one hand. With the other she took off her clothes. God, this plan made her feel like she had at the beginning of their marriage again, and she almost giggled. Wouldn't Peter be surprised? I'm going to make time now, even if it can't do any good, I have to try. If this works it'll only be the beginning, I promise... she was almost praying, although she hadn't done that in a while either.
She unlocked the door, it clicked and she knew he would hear it, and so she waited for him to open it.
"Okay Tara," he said as he did, "What's going on here-" he trailed off when he caught sight of her.
God, he thought, his words catching in his throat. How can that still have the same effect- when I'm planning on asking her to end this...? He let his eyes run over her quickly, she looked so much the same after all these years. The sparkling, playful eyes, the red-streaked hair, the same body that made him stop thinking, how was that possible? She'd seemed so very different, helping Abby pack for college, barely needing his help, when she'd always leaned on him so much before, always needed his help. But she didn't ask him about it, she knew what she was doing. Without him.
"Two choices," she said, holding up her hand. "One," she held up a finger, "We forget about the papers for a little while...and..." she looked at the shower and then threw him a look that he completely understood. One that, although it had been a while, was still very familiar.
"Or?" he found himself at a loss for the intelligent, witty, and sarcastic words that he normally used. He found part of himself thinking, shocked, that she was trying to seduce him. It made him smile that his little, timid, always scared Tara was trying to do something that she could do just by talking to him. She hadn't ever needed to try so hard. But that wasn't enough, she didn't want to talk to him anymore. She's...different.. he told himselfand yet so very much the same.
"I was hoping you'd just go with one," she gave him a small, watery smile, her voice still catching on her words. "I hadn't thought that far ahead."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Much, much later, the couple lay in bed, the papers in Peter's briefcase forgotten.
"Tara?"
"Yeah?"
"I love you."
"Love you, too." And she smiled, and with a happy sigh she snuggled back into her husband's arms.
Later they would talk about this, figure out what was wrong, but right then Tara just needed to be reminded that she was wanted, and Peter that he was needed.
So please critique and comment for me! smile
