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did you like it? read poem first

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Total Votes:[ 10 ]
1

its nothing special and i just felt like posting it so if you like it thanks and if you have anything you think i should change then good ahead and tell me.

CAR CRASH

I sit here with my black umbrella
Upon this white picnic chair
Meant for barbeques, or trips to a fair
My face is tear stained
And red with cold
The sermon goes on and on
Just like the rainfalls on and on

The fateful day
The road was a storm
Of battering Rain
And screeching wind
So dark outside my car door
I laughed aloud with you
Through the mists came headlights
The light was green
To the left and straight-ahead the lights came
Swift they were
Horns blared and screamed
I took your hand in mine
As came the heart stopping screech
Of metal on metal

I ask again
The millionth time
From doctors, nurses, every kind
Answers different yet the same
The same old sugar cake
Coated answers fill my throat

When we were little we were the same
Nothing could stand in our way
You sat with me
When I scabbed my knee, or got malaria
I cried with you
When your parents fought
Or when your plants did rot
But now you’ve gone and done
You’ve really done it bad
This time I can’t just blame your dad

Next to me sits
An old and withered lady
Her wrinkled face stained like mine
While tears run down our face
I turn to my shoes
To keep the tears inside
But it doesn’t work
My tears stream out
As my shoes sink in the muddy ground

My body screams
I let fly a cry of pain
And try to tame this awful beast
It reached beyond the sky
Way up past the stars
My body bruised and beaten
From my bloody body I looked
To find you too
Screaming with all your might
You body nearly cut in two
Into the ambulance they took you
Away from my cold hand
Dripping little drops of blood
They packed me away
On the stretcher and away
I looked up at the far off ceiling
And had a pray
Please god of any kind
If I should ask one thing it is to keep us safe
And then it all goes blank

I only saw you once again
Your life long friend
As the doctors patched me up
Through a swinging door you lay
You head turned away
you turned to look at me
with all your might
a smile crossed your lips
not fright
or pain
but a smile as crystal clear
as the stars way up high
your heart beat slowed
the doctors stopped
the line went dead and flat
I though you would come back

The sermons over
Everyone gets up to leave
But not me
I walk to your side
My hand fells strange and empty
I miss it when it would be there when I was scared
And ask your cold coffin
Where forever you shall rest
I was always there for you
And you were always there for me
So why all gods and demons
Why did you have to
It wasn’t fair
Why did you leave me here
Why oh why
Did you go and
Die
sigh well its long and i guess no one really cares for it, ah well thats life i guess and i won't cry i just thought i'd try this
Lyra heart
sigh well its long and i guess no one really cares for it, ah well thats life i guess and i won't cry i just thought i'd try this


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.....Did you really write this?
yeah why? does it suck that bad?

6,400 Points
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No you just don't seem like you have a long enough attention span to write something like this...It's really long, like so long that I got overwhelmed and gave up on the first stanza. But the first Stanza was very good sweatdrop
I agree it is a really good poem but if you could some how shorten it......
sorry i was just getting obred and kept thinking of things to add on. i have shorter ones but usually they're not like super short cause i get ides from well everything. i made this one up on a long bus ride.

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