First, just so it doesn't seem like I'm making pointless excuses, this is more of a for-fun thing than an eventually-overhaul-for-possible-publication thing.
sweatdrop
PAnZuRiEL
Firstly, the names Celeste/Celestria. Bleagh. The latter I dislike as a name altogether; and Veive once used it to blatently reinforce the Sue-ness of one of her characters. As for the former, it seems more than a little Sue-like that the main character is named after the god whose Voice she bears. Unless it's something like a title, in which case, you should say so.
3nodding Outside of the first two chapters, Celestria is mentioned again only once. As I said in my reply to Sarge, it's representative of what she's the goddess of. And again, as I said in my reply above, Celeste took that name when she became Lead Voice.
The names of the four main-ish characters all have meaning to me and I was actually planning on something completely different with them than how this story turned out. Celeste is what I would have been named if my dad hadn't voted against it.
PAnZuRiEL
There were a few places where your language seemed slightly off, or disjointed, but I don't really know what you can do about that other than get someone to edit it for you. Can't remember the specific instances right now, it's hot and I'm tired and can't be bothered looking through it again.
razz Editing comes after November, if at all.
razz
PAnZuRiEL
The carriage requires a little more elaboration. When you say carriage, we all think "horse-drawn" automatically. But this thing has engines. So, go on -- tell us what it looks like, what your technology, that allows for motorised carriages and airships, is like. Sauce plz.
surprised Uh, yeah. It was basically a spur-of-the-moment thing. Kind of like "LOL I'll give it an engine just because I don't want to use horses and it'll confuse people, too!" As for the airship...well, it's just a ship that goes in the air (although smaller than usual because they're not built to sail in the first place). There's talk later about the
Star Seeker's flight engine.
PAnZuRiEL
The Voice invested within Voices could likely do with a little elaboration, as well. Presumably they have some kind of power; but here, in the very first chapter, it vanishes and we may never see or hear from it again. Tell us what it is
before you dispense with it.
sad Again, like I said in my reply to Sarge... they're basically the same as magic-users were they in a different fantasy world.
There's more talk of the power hierarchy in chapter 3; and in chapter 9 when Celeste shows up again she's made into a Voice of Air.
PAnZuRiEL
I'm a little disappointed at how weak your gods are ... hardly makes them gods at all. They don't even know things without being told. But meh. I suppose that just stamps out any possibility of a Deus ex Machina later on, which can only be a good thing. I didn't notice anything wrong with your characterisation, and the plot so far is alright. The plot summary sounds very good. Nice map as well.
heart It's explained later, that. Basically they handed out their power to minor gods and then got used to the lessened pressure and got lax.
I like drawing maps.
whee
PAnZuRiEL
I'll get around to reading the rest at some stage ... prolly tackle Chapter 2 either later today, or tomorrow.
whee I look forward to more comments!
heart 
