Shiberude
As some of you probably know, Scene kids tend to make some of the most money on gaia. How? Some would think art. Others would assume skill in the marketplace. The truth is, all they have to do is sit on their butts as the money pours in.
So how can you, the average gaian, tap into these riches?
Follow my step-by-step guide to selling out.
STEP 1.
First, your average everyday self. Grow your hair a little bit. You don't have to style it into anything fancy. Aim for about chin-length.
Remember, you don't have to be attractive in the least to pull this off. 99% of all "Hotness" derived from emos and scene kids comes from people's own subconcious. Remember in Jurassic Park how they fill in DNA blanks with frog DNA? It's the same s**t that your mind does with emo-hairstyles. So long as you see a little bit, your mind subconciously makes up a "Best case scenario". In other words, you expect everything you can't see to be hot.
STEP 2:
Now, first thing first, go take a shower. Don't dry your hair. The water gives the illusion of an unnatural, uncleanly grease-shine. Real emo kids go weeks on end without washing their hair. Naturally, those of us who expect to get money from sources other than our parents can't do that.
Pull your hair infront of your face. This is crucial. The less of your face that people can see, the more of an enigma you become, and the hotter people will think you are. Make sure that one, if not both eyes, are completely invisible to the viewer. It will also help if you're topless.
Now Crank up the brightness and contrast on that webcam. This will get rid of skin imperfections and further eccentuate your pasty white skin. It helps to shave before hand, as the high-contrast will make any facial hair stick out like a sore thumb.
STEP 3:
Now, It's time for the big kahoonah. You've gotta take a picture of yourself that girls and homosexual males will salivate over. The best way of doing this is using the infamous MySpace angles. Now grab your webcam in the palm of your hand and point it at yourself. Don't look at it... Try to avoid eye-contact with your webcam. Real emos avoid eye-contact in real life, and scene kids try to pretend they're emos. You want to get the same effect. Try to look sad, but not too sad.
Try to get a good look at yourself before you decide on your angle. Do you have pecks? If not, avoid having pictures of your chest. Have you got a beer gut? Avoid belly shots. It helps if you're as hairless as possible before hand. There are no bear-emos. It kills their effeminate nature. It helps to have seen shitty emo-kid photos before. That way, you'll have a general idea of how to take your snapshot. Remember: The only way to be non-conformist is to look exactly like the rest.
Step 4:
Whip out your trusty photoshop (I'm using a very old "Corel photoshop 7" circa '96, so no complaining). First thing to keep in mind: Emos come in two colours: Black and pink. Whore black on light surfaces and pink on dark surfaces. Try to use steriotypical images like tears, skulls, and broken hearts. Ad-libing generic effeminate things helps too.
This is also useful for covering up embarassing objects in the background you don't want others to see. "Febreeze? That must mean his bedroom is stinky. Emos can't be stinky..." Thinks like these kill the scene-kid atmosphere.
Other things to watch out for:
Religious artifacts other than buddhist
Anime merchandise
Things considered too nerdy. This can include any tabletop roleplaying games, Non pop-culture action figures, 20 sided dice, etceteras.
Things that are nerdy but many people participate in such as Katamari Damacy, Starwars, Harry Potter, and Pokemon might actually help your popularity, depending on how you project it.
Step 5:
Finally, once you've collected a horde of fans, you have the option of milking your fanbase for all their riches... Take as little time as possible to ask for anything. Thanking people for donations is optional. Go on about your business and watch the gold and items pour in.
Finally, a great way to extend the donations even further is to claim you are sexually deviant. Beginners can start by claiming they're bi. Parade about forums with "Love is love" banners in your signature as well.
Level 2 would be full on homosexual. Claiming you love the c**k isn't something easy to do when you are your average everyday straight guy. Luckily, this is the internet. You could have told people that you were a 75 year old woman from Papua New Guinea if you hadn't just posted this picture.
The most difficult, and most effective stage, would be to claim that you're considering undergoing operations to become a woman. That should cause donations to burst in your direction like Old Faithful just had Taco Bell.
So there you go, ladies and gents. Now run off and be little c**k-fags on all your favourite forums. I hope you never use my advice.
Discussion:
-LOZL M I HOTT?
-Beating the dead horse.
-LOZL Wall of text?
-Have YOU tried looking scene-for-a-day?
-Define the difference between Scene kids and Emo kids
-Angelic Scarf PLZ?
-Should scene kids take five minutes out to read "The alphabet of Manliness"?
-Will I taste banhammer for this? I've seen prommies get away with worse.
EDIT: Within a half hour of making this thread, I recieved a lovely donation of 6K from John Diefenbaker <33
So how can you, the average gaian, tap into these riches?
Follow my step-by-step guide to selling out.
STEP 1.
First, your average everyday self. Grow your hair a little bit. You don't have to style it into anything fancy. Aim for about chin-length.
Remember, you don't have to be attractive in the least to pull this off. 99% of all "Hotness" derived from emos and scene kids comes from people's own subconcious. Remember in Jurassic Park how they fill in DNA blanks with frog DNA? It's the same s**t that your mind does with emo-hairstyles. So long as you see a little bit, your mind subconciously makes up a "Best case scenario". In other words, you expect everything you can't see to be hot.
STEP 2:
Now, first thing first, go take a shower. Don't dry your hair. The water gives the illusion of an unnatural, uncleanly grease-shine. Real emo kids go weeks on end without washing their hair. Naturally, those of us who expect to get money from sources other than our parents can't do that.
Pull your hair infront of your face. This is crucial. The less of your face that people can see, the more of an enigma you become, and the hotter people will think you are. Make sure that one, if not both eyes, are completely invisible to the viewer. It will also help if you're topless.
Now Crank up the brightness and contrast on that webcam. This will get rid of skin imperfections and further eccentuate your pasty white skin. It helps to shave before hand, as the high-contrast will make any facial hair stick out like a sore thumb.
STEP 3:
Now, It's time for the big kahoonah. You've gotta take a picture of yourself that girls and homosexual males will salivate over. The best way of doing this is using the infamous MySpace angles. Now grab your webcam in the palm of your hand and point it at yourself. Don't look at it... Try to avoid eye-contact with your webcam. Real emos avoid eye-contact in real life, and scene kids try to pretend they're emos. You want to get the same effect. Try to look sad, but not too sad.Try to get a good look at yourself before you decide on your angle. Do you have pecks? If not, avoid having pictures of your chest. Have you got a beer gut? Avoid belly shots. It helps if you're as hairless as possible before hand. There are no bear-emos. It kills their effeminate nature. It helps to have seen shitty emo-kid photos before. That way, you'll have a general idea of how to take your snapshot. Remember: The only way to be non-conformist is to look exactly like the rest.
---------------------------------------
And now, the optional stages.
(Up to 5 steps if you count these)
And now, the optional stages.
(Up to 5 steps if you count these)
Step 4:
Whip out your trusty photoshop (I'm using a very old "Corel photoshop 7" circa '96, so no complaining). First thing to keep in mind: Emos come in two colours: Black and pink. Whore black on light surfaces and pink on dark surfaces. Try to use steriotypical images like tears, skulls, and broken hearts. Ad-libing generic effeminate things helps too.This is also useful for covering up embarassing objects in the background you don't want others to see. "Febreeze? That must mean his bedroom is stinky. Emos can't be stinky..." Thinks like these kill the scene-kid atmosphere.
Other things to watch out for:
Religious artifacts other than buddhist
Anime merchandise
Things considered too nerdy. This can include any tabletop roleplaying games, Non pop-culture action figures, 20 sided dice, etceteras.
Things that are nerdy but many people participate in such as Katamari Damacy, Starwars, Harry Potter, and Pokemon might actually help your popularity, depending on how you project it.
Step 5:
Finally, once you've collected a horde of fans, you have the option of milking your fanbase for all their riches... Take as little time as possible to ask for anything. Thanking people for donations is optional. Go on about your business and watch the gold and items pour in.
Finally, a great way to extend the donations even further is to claim you are sexually deviant. Beginners can start by claiming they're bi. Parade about forums with "Love is love" banners in your signature as well.
Level 2 would be full on homosexual. Claiming you love the c**k isn't something easy to do when you are your average everyday straight guy. Luckily, this is the internet. You could have told people that you were a 75 year old woman from Papua New Guinea if you hadn't just posted this picture.
The most difficult, and most effective stage, would be to claim that you're considering undergoing operations to become a woman. That should cause donations to burst in your direction like Old Faithful just had Taco Bell.
So there you go, ladies and gents. Now run off and be little c**k-fags on all your favourite forums. I hope you never use my advice.
Discussion:
-LOZL M I HOTT?
-Beating the dead horse.
-LOZL Wall of text?
-Have YOU tried looking scene-for-a-day?
-Define the difference between Scene kids and Emo kids
-Angelic Scarf PLZ?
-Should scene kids take five minutes out to read "The alphabet of Manliness"?
-Will I taste banhammer for this? I've seen prommies get away with worse.
EDIT: Within a half hour of making this thread, I recieved a lovely donation of 6K from John Diefenbaker <33
