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.:: Intro ::.

A young man stares out the window of his wooden home. The straw ceiling is keeping out the rain that pours so heavily outside. A few candles dimly light the small room in which he sits. He is resting his head against the wall to which his small and rickety bed is aligned. This young man is holding onto something, it is round... too small to fit over his hand and onto his wrist, it is metal and it makes a clinking noise as it suddenly hits the bigger one fitted onto his opposite arm.

He is shaken from his daze and looks down at the item. It is a golden bangle. It matches the one that he is wearing. He can't get it off; it was molded on so it will never come off. He feels like his heart is stuck in his throat, and a heavy weight is upon his neck so he cannot lift his head. His fingers run slowly over the area that this bangle was burned... the melted metal still feels a little warm. He closes his eyes and lets a single tear stream down his face. Then, he angrily hurls the bangle to the other side of the room. He doesn't care where it goes. He just doesn't want to hang onto it any longer.

There is a loud crash as the bangle collides into a mirror. The thin and sharp pieces of glass begin to fall to the ground. The loud crash drowns out the sound of the young man's silent sobbing. His knees are against his chest and his arms folded across them. He buries his face in his forearms and cries.

It is a bit sad when you think about it; only a few hours ago there was not an ounce of melancholy within his heart or mind. What he was, and what he is now reduced to is shocking. For a moment, and only a moment, he displays the pain that he feels inside. But there are no witnesses to this moment, only him. That seems to be one witness too many though.

He takes in a deep breath and wipes his face dry. He rises from his place and walks over to the fragments of the mirror. He stares at his reflection, and he realizes that he does not even recognize that man. Although he does not know, or remember seeing this man in the mirror before in his life... he knows that he hates him.

Something inside him has changed, and he knows this. He will not be that man that he sees in the mirror. There is a new look in his eyes, and he stands tall. Even though he still feels a great void in his heart he carries a face of determination and courage. He promises himself that he will not see this man ever again.

Walking over to the small table just underneath the window, he grabs a blade. He takes the long braid of black hair that falls just past his shoulders in his hand. Holding it tightly, he takes the blade in his other hand and cuts the braid clean off from the rest of his hair. The pieces of hair newly detached from the tight braid fall around his face.

The young man walks back to the shards of the mirror and looks into a larger piece that he can see his face in. He sees a new person. This new person is also unrecognizable, but he knows this is who he is now. This is who he will be until he has done what he needs to do. In doing this, he will also do the rest of the world of Luminos a grand favor that can never be repaid...
((Reserved))
((Reserved))
.:: ART ::.

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Someone please read this, I mean... I know it looks long. But if it were to go into a real book it would actually be short, seriously! Is it realistic to have chapters that only reach one and a half pages? I think not. So someone please take the tie to read this, I'd really like some opinions.
Righto... I think I'll post the next chapter in this here thread O_o;; but first... a few adjustments...*tweaks*
Do not refer to your own work as an epic. It's not for you to decide.
benjis box
Do not refer to your own work as an epic. It's not for you to decide.
It's like Halcyon days- rewarded retroactively. Generally after you're dead.
Bleh... I just did that to interest people sweatdrop sorry if my lameness offends anyone razz
I just read the first few sentances and I'm already not interested. Sure, it sounds like it could be going somewhere, but it's choppy. There isn't much sentance fluency. Your sentances start with "he" and "it" a lot in the very beginning. Just a note, don't take it personally, I just want to help you improve!

I shall read the rest and give more of an opinion.
Sakuri_4
I just read the first few sentances and I'm already not interested. Sure, it sounds like it could be going somewhere, but it's choppy. There isn't much sentance fluency. Your sentances start with "he" and "it" a lot in the very beginning. Just a note, don't take it personally, I just want to help you improve!

I shall read the rest and give more of an opinion.


I finished reading it. I have to admit, it does sound like it has an interesting plot. I'm anxious to read more, and the 'choppy-ness' doesn't seem to be at all anywhere else in the story. Nice job, but try to work a bit on the intro. Use different words to begin sentances. Other than that, I have to say, I like it. heart
on my computer the punctuation is all ? marks, weird...smiles for you 3nodding

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