[NPC] Dr. Singh
Dr. Schadenkind: ...Hell if I know, lady. I'm a doctor, not a babysitter.
Dr. Singh: Oh! Hello, everyone... sorry, you caught me in the middle of something. I guess it's time for the Evolving Item Report, huh? Unfortunately, it looks as if Timmy won't be joining us this week. I don't want to worry you or anything, but we're not quite sure where he is...
Dr. Schadenkind: I wouldn't be surprised if you ate him, you crazy nutball.
Dr. Singh: I'm just going to ignore that. Anyway, I suppose we'd better get this week's evolving stuff out of the way before we start searching for Timmy. The biggest news this week, of course, is the arrival of Padmavati's Lotus, a brand new, premium-quality evolving item in the Cash Shop. I hope I didn't scare Flynn when I suggested that she keep these under lock and key; I still don't know whether they're dangerous or not, but they exude so much sacred energy that they should be handled with extreme care. If you're up for a little mystery, you might consider picking one up.
Dr. Singh: In other news, three of our finest items are evolving this week! Alruna's Rose is still going strong this week-- this little firecracker of an item has spawned dozens of enticing mutations already, and this week's evolution carries on the tradition in fine style.
Dr. Schadenkind: I might have to invoke my authority to seize one of those items, lady. Y'know, for personal use.
Dr. Singh: You have authority?
Dr. Schadenkind: Well, technically, no. Shut up. Who asked you?
Dr. Singh: The ghostly Furugasa is also continuing its journey into the dark recesses of creepiness this week, and Picolitrosso's Urn is moving in some very unexpected directions. I can't wait to see how this one turns out. Isn't that right, Timmy?
Dr. Schadenkind: He's gone, remember?
Dr. Singh: Sorry; force of habit. Finally, one of our older items is completing its evolution this week: the second generation of The Experiment has reached the furthest depths of scientific wrongness. If you'd like to pick up one of these items for yourself or for a friend, you can always visit Flynn at the Gaia Cash Shop.
Well, I suppose we'd better start looking for Timmy. I sure hope he's OK, all alone out there with all of his mental problems and social awkwardness. Where do you think we should start looking, Dr. Schadenkind?
Dr. Schadenkind: What's this "we" crap? He's your sidekick, you go look for him. I'll just hang out here for a while. You might want to go shopping, too, because I ate all your chips and I'm gonna need more. Say, does your couch fold out into a bed?
Dr. Singh: If you're not going to help me find him, I'm not sure why I'd want you hanging around my house. I just thought your unique insights into his mind might lend you some clues about where he might have gone.
Dr. Schadenkind: Oh, I see how it is. You just want me around if I can be of some "use" to you. You're a straight-up %&@!ing sociopath, lady. You just use people to get what you want, and you don't give half a crap if they have feelings or if they're lonesome or if they stay up all night crying because you ran out of chips. It doesn't even occur to you, does it? You make me sick. Fine. Let's go look for the wacky little S.O.B. before his head caves in from all the craziness.
Dr. Singh: I suppose that's it for this week's Evolving Item Report, ladies and gentlemen. Please join us next week, when Timmy will hopefully be back with more of inimitable Timmyness. As usual, we've got a little poll going to see what your favorite item of the week is. If you'd like to let us know, just go cast your vote!