[NPC] Dr. Singh
Dr. Singh: Good morning, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to your weekly Evolving Item Report! We've got plenty of ground to cover today. Not only do we have a whole slew of cool evolutions to report, but we've also got a very special guest! This is Dr. Schadenkind, one of Gaia's most prominent psychoanalysts (he had the biggest ad in the phone book), and he's been working with Timmy to cure him of his nervous mumblings and delusions of imminent world destruction by some kind of evil force.
Dr. Schadenkind: Hallo, yes.
Dr. Singh: We'll check in with the doctor in a little while. For now, let's get started on this week's evolutions! You ready, Timmy?
- Timmy: An age of darkness... a yacht of skulls upon an ocean of boiling blood...
Dr. Singh: I'll take that as a "yes." We've got three items evolving this week. First up, as I predicted last week, Picolitrosso's Urn seems to have sprung up a minor extra pose... how strange! It hasn't undergone a full evolution yet, though; that will likely happen next week. Elsewhere, the Furugasa is getting even spookier! I worry about showing an item like this to Timmy, what with his fragile mental state and all, but, y'know, what the hey. Take a look, Timmy!
- Timmy: YEEP!
Dr. Singh: See? Pretty scary. Next up, Inari's Beads are continuing to grow; their animal spirit seems to becoming yet more prominent this week. I'm very excited to see where this one goes, as it seems to have a playful, benevolent energy about it. Maybe I should show Timmy, just to soothe his jangled nerves a bit... nah, there's no time. Next, we've got...
- Timmy: A vast desert of powdered bone... say, Doc, is that the Death Whisper? Lookin' pretty swell this week, huh?
Dr. Singh: Why yes, it is! Congratulations on your moment of lucidity, you adorable little nutcase. The Death Whisper has undergone another transformation, and its curse seems to be creeping further onto the bodies of its owners. In other news, one of our creepiest evolving items is leaving the Cash Shop this week: The Experiment, having run its grisly scientific course, will leave the shop next week. It's your last chance to meddle with the darkest, dangliest nether-bits of mad science!
Dr. Schadenkind: I am detecting ze... innuendo here.
Dr. Singh: And finally, the fifth generation of Hermes' Moon will be completing its evolution this week.
To get one of these fantastic evolving items for yourself, just visit our friend Flynn at the Gaia Cash Shop. Tell her Dr. Singh sent you!
So, let's turn things over to Dr. Schadenkind to see if he's made any progress with Timmy's disturbed little mind.
Dr. Schadenkind: Yes. Vell, I am detecting zat ze boy underwent some trauma recently. Now, as you can see, ze little boy's evil impulses are beink sublimated into ze yeeping unt ze stuttering, ze trembling unt ze mumbles, unt whatnot.
- Timmy: Evil... YEEP! ...impulses?
Dr. Schadenkind: Correct. Ze evil impulses.
Dr. Singh: Wait just a minute here, Dr. Schadenkind. Are you saying Timmy still has some evil in him? I thought that all got removed during his genetic surgery...
Dr. Schadenkind: Ah! But you see, ze evil of ze body is the same as ze evil in ze mind. Ze boy vas exposed to much evil during ze mutation ordeal, unt it has left ze deep psychic scars.
Dr. Singh: So what are you saying?
Dr. Schadenkind: Vell, to put it in ze simple terms, zis boy has gone... utterly mad!
- Timmy: Golly!
Dr. Singh: Hmm. "Utterly mad"? Isn't that a rather unusual clinical diagnosis, doctor?
Dr. Schadenkind: Vell... you see... the boy is vat ve in ze psychoanalytic profession like to call "coo-coo in the coconut."
Dr. Singh: Don't you mean "coo-coo in ze coconut"?
Dr. Schadenkind: Ehh... vell...
Dr. Singh: You're just faking that accent, aren't you?
Dr. Schadenkind: None of your %$&@ing beeswax, lady! Jeez! Just let me do my job, OK? The accent is part of my whole "thing." It's like you don't understand psychoanalysis at all! Look, just don't screw this up for me, lady. Do I come to your office and make fun of your fake accent? @#%$! You're crazy! You're crazier than the kid! It's just an accent, OK? Listen, lady, I've been doing this a long time. Remember those degrees on my wall? Those aren't fake. Most of them. I'm a @%#&ing professional, as in "lady, you need professional help," and I don't have to stand here and listen to your $%&@ing horsecrap! You got that?
Dr. Singh: Riiiight...
- Timmy: Sooooo...
Dr. Singh: Yeeaaah...
Dr. Schadenkind: Maybe you should... I don't know... kinda forget that I said that?
Dr. Singh: Anyway... that's about it for this week. Remember, guys, you can vote for your favorite evolving item every week in our little informal poll in the Gaia Community Discussion forum. Ciao!